Monday, October 15, 2007

And you're going where?

As I attempt to contemplate the true nature of mind, I begin to realize that there are hundreds of veils that cloud our sight and make it nearly impossible to view the world with a detached fascination. We’re too close to a visceral fear which holds us in the aversion of discovering that we are emotional frauds.

Perhaps I only speak for myself.

We cling to imaginary lifeboats of Western thoughts that tell us if we spend enough or save enough we will find some sort of comfort and happiness. If we achieve enough, plan and plot enough, we will avoid life’s churning. We cling to the sides of our proverbial rowboat and gaze into the darkened water. We hold ourselves apart and somehow think that falling in would be the worst thing that could happen.

Perhaps it is.

In the mornings when I sit in meditation, I feel connected to a presence which holds me. In its space, I am filled with answers to questions that I will flounder with in my day. Before I am fully awake, it seems clear that our purpose on earth is to reflect life’s energy in our own particular way.

Within that thought there is existence of a whole unified field of beings and entities that exist to exist; nothing more, nothing less.

I am learning that meditation is not necessarily sitting for expansive amounts of time. Meditation is becoming familiar with your thoughts. When I examine my inner conversations, I find that I am in constant assessment of how I think I am doing, and generally find myself wanting in one way or another. When thoughts break through to the contrary, I smother their light by questioning whether I am then being boastful or ego centered.

In my mind, I am indeed caught.

I imagine a clear sky, an abiding mind, that has compassion, infinite patience for the present moment, and finds a bit of humor in all of the searching being who haven’t quite figured out there’s no place else to be.