Questioning the questions

My house is a mess and I wonder if it is because I am forever searching.

If searching for what is important to the discussion, then I’d have to answer peace of mind, centeredness, a sense of purpose, and a spiritual reality that supersedes every manifestation of our humanly constructed world.

But is peace of mind, centeredness, spirituality or sense of purpose found in neat and orderly houses?

On the surface, I’d say yes. There is peace in order and in everything being in its place. Still, I am left with a haunting feeling that even people with immaculately cleaned and ordered homes live with the certain level of discontent and distraction, and I would venture of say the neatness sometimes masks the confusion and disorder on the inside.

But what intrigues me is that I see myself as willing to live with my discontent rather than taking necessary steps to correct that which I judge as lacking, and I use my messy house as an example. Amazingly, my single dorm room in Berkeley was immaculate and there was a daily routine of putting things away. Did my outward living reflect my inner journey as a single-minded student? Is my disordered house a reflection of my particular predicament of wanting to transform my way of living without having to actually change well-worn habits?

Am I searching for something and being unwilling to commit? Because I can’t find what I am looking for quite yet, does that me I’m not serious in my searching?

Maybe.

Or maybe I need to understand that discontent and confusion is appropriate to this transition time. Maybe it is an honest reflection of the inner and the outer world, which teeters on mindless destruction and conscious transformation. Perhaps living with the questions, gracefully or not, is all I can do right now.

That, and a bit of straightening.