Hunkering down

With nearly one half of my time in my Pastoral Care Education (CPE), I feel compelled to become more serious about using my time well. I am looking to hunker down, I write in my journal. I look up the word to be sure.

Figuratively speaking hunkering down means to apply oneself seriously to a task; which is what I feel I want to do with my learning. However, hunkering also means to crouch down low and take shelter in a defensive position, which is actually what I would like to avoid. In fact, it is important to give up one’s defensiveness and to move from a critical mind to one that is curious. But giving up critical mind is very difficult and abandoning one’s shelter in a defensive position seems like a scary proposition.

In the end, what is required is not to become more serious, but rather to develop more faith.

According to Wayne Muller, in “Legacy of the Heart,” faith is a way of being. It is a spiritual practice, a way of discovering what is reliable and true, a way of expanding trust in our inner wisdom. It is a place inside where we are in compassionate relationship with what is strong and whole within ourselves, where we listen to the still, small voices of our heart and soul.

It’s hard to have faith in still small voices. I think our culture encourages us to have faith in strength, to exude confidence, and to never admit when we don’t know what to do or what to say. CPE teaches that expressing the inability to offer any relief in the face of the pain and the questions, is actually something that is helpful to say. It’s kind of ironic that when you don’t have anything to offer, you can offer that you don’t have anything to offer.

It’s kind of the like the idea of hunkering down and being serious about letting go and being open.

Or put another way, I seriously have to lighten up.